By Shelby Bond
Featured in Caesura 2020: Imago
Wide Awake
I wish the coffee didn’t make me shake while I lay, trying to fall
I wish the mind could capture moments or pictures
sixteenth birthday first kiss guide to test, tomorrow
I wish money grew like weeds
five-hundred out, each month
eventually, they say
tired and broke, I say
I wish thoughts would turn off
like a switch
On Off
On Off
I wish the coffee was decaf.
Let Me Grow
I am a child. I can look, but don’t touch. Eat all or no dessert. Color nicely inside the lines. Don’t cry, you’re okay.
I want to play as loud as I want, godzilla to the towers. “Too loud” I want to know what they mean, spelling out the words I don’t know. “Secret code” I want to eat cake each meal of the day, giving veggies to the dog. “Every bite” I want to read and write and tie my shoes and know, like adults. “Hurry up”
I will read when I am older, understand when I grow. I’ll stay up late all night and drink coffee in the morning. I am a child.
I am a teen. Study hard, get good sleep. Two fingers wide, don’t suggest a thing. Stuff your bra, don’t have sex. When I was your age...
I want to post a picture without worry of likes, simply because I like it. “No notifications” I want to be a size 0 and wear expensive clothes like the populars. “130 lbs” I want to be asked out and finally know what it’s like to be kissed. “Too immature” I want to tell my parents how I feel, but know where it will go. “We’re disappointed”
I will be heard when I am older, listened to and taken seriously. I’ll drive where I want and escape from this Hell. I am a teen.
I am a student. Invest in your future, don’t take out loans. Where’s the ring? Sorry, need more experience. Who needs sleep? I want to utilize my weekends by staying up late and sleeping all day. “Monday again” I want to be prepared for a test without having to sacrifice hours of sleep. “Drink coffee” I want to make real friends and meet ‘the one’ who will make me his wife. “Still single?” I want to not feel as if I am the only one who doesn’t know what’s going on. “Not alone” I will be certain of my future, when I am older, know what’s next. I’ll be prepared for anything life throws my way. I am student.
I am me.
I don’t need to impress, sacrifice,
betray
or be anything more than
I am.
I am growing, learning, diving
loving and becoming who
I am.
Me.
Shelby Bond is a junior at Indiana Wesleyan University studying elementary education and language arts. A Grand Rapids native, Shelby loves exploring new places and spending her time outdoors, whether that be kayaking on Lake Michigan or traveling around the world. While reading is her first love, she enjoys writing as a means to help better process the range of experiences and emotions encountered in life.