I am a grownup because I can make my own doctor's appointments and cancel them at the last minute. I am a grownup because I can turn up my car's stereo when the transmission starts jerking my car forward with every gear shift. I am a grownup because I said so.
But maybe not because I can't quite call myself an adult. Not an uh-dult, but an ah-dult. That's the real difference. You know someone's serious about their maturity when they call themselves the latter. They drink endless amounts of coffee while complaining about the bags under their eyes and the stock market. I, on the other hand, drink endless amounts of coffee while complaining about my work load and the downfalls of the human race. No really, what's the difference?
Back when I was a young teen, I couldn't picture myself as an adult or even someone in their 20s. The stigma that grownups have it all figured out was too much for me to fathom. I knew I wouldn't ever really figure it out. Life was much too complex for that. And I was right.
A typical day where I am maybe pulling off the façade of adulting looks like this. I go to an office where I type in some numbers into a computer, make small talk, and pretend I know what I'm doing with a smile. I get plain coffee--because that's what the hardcore college students get, so I do it too. I go to my classes with other upperclassmen getting ready to graduate and nod my head and take notes when the professor is emphatic. But I find myself staring out the window all too often, either wishing I could be out in the sunshine or that the gloom would go away.
If I am just pretending, when will it ever be real? Does it ever feel real? Maybe when I graduate college, sign a lease, and find a real job it'll be concrete. I'll stop looking out the window and start turning my attention to the front of the class. I'll know where I'm headed and look back at where I've been and laugh. I'll chuckle at the water cooler about the good ole' days with Kathy from marketing and she'll comment on how this or that generation needs to get their act together.
But is this real or authentic? Where's the gut-busting laughs, the spontaneous adventures, or the utterly horrifying and exciting unforeseen future? I think I want to look out that window more often and see what this world has to offer me rather than turn my back on it. Maybe everyone who says they're an ah-dult is really just an uh-dult in disguise. Maybe we're all just faking it til' we make it. Maybe everyone should take a look out that window sooner or later and hold on to the pieces of themselves that used to think being a grownup was so far away.
Rachael Tyler is a senior Writing and TESOL major at IWU.